It has become time to leave this digital purgatory and desend into the real hell, which is where i am going. May 19 2017

Digital Purgatory

self imposed aloneness

toni







In 1999 Pope John Paul II
declared that the term Purgatory
does not indicate a place,
but "a condition of existence".

                                            Biding my time in Purgatory!


I have outlived my use by date. I have no usefulness left. What I can teach has no meaning in this highly technical day and age.

My body can no longer bear children, my dietary habits are not interesting. The major event in my life is taking my daily dose of pills and the only trips I take are to the toilet and there are many of those excursions.

The only time I am moist and wet is in the shower, can't even get a sweat up polishing tables.

 I sleep no longer. How I long for the exhaustion of early motherhood where you slept easily for right hours.

And walking? I receive no benefits from it as I can't walk far enough and running? Impossible.

If I misplace my glasses, I can no longer see. I wouldn't know my daughter or husband from a neighbor or a stranger.

The only gift left from my birth is my hearing, I hear well, but there is a problem developing; I am hearing a high sound in my right ear, like morse code.

Driving my truck is still a great joy. There I can sit for hours and see the beautiful nature and the change of places, but I can no longer travel alone because I need help.

Why is death so hard to accept?

I have lived and now my warranty is up. Why can't I go to the doctor like an old dog and ask to be put down?

TONI

Where have you gone, all that have died

I feel you inside and I sigh

Why have you left me, so alone

on this earth to wander and roam

till one day, too

I will leave this land for the unknown

dad and grandma







Not all who wander are lost.

J.R.R.Tolkien


grandpa and grandma





In your soul are infinitely precious things
that cannot be taken from you.


Oscar Wilde

toni





The Confessional
 is a guilt-free place for mom to anonymously
confess things she can't in real life.






Everything that has existed, lingers in the Eternity.
Agatha Christie