Objective and Subjective statements can, in the right circumstances, be facts. They can both, in the right circumstances, be opinions or conclusions.


In one word, "Surreal" There have been terrible and beautiful moments in 2020 but all of them seem larger and more disjointed than normal life progressions or conditions. Extraordinary situations and behaviors by people, groups, even countries have ruled the day.


2019 comes to an end and welcome 2020! TO THINK I WELCOMED 2020!

The year 2019 is finally coming to and end, I can't wait to see what will happen next year, 2020. I will turn 75, Robie will be 80, and we will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary. The greatest thing about these events we will celebrate them together, alone. We never had the false needs to be around those we love, our love for our family has been deep but our love for each other is even deeper and although we have some of the greatest fights any couple have ever had, I am so thankful only one of us have the anger or else we would have long ago killed each other. I've often thought why I get so mad, and I think it stems from jealousy.  Hard words to write, but where he has been given so many honours and his career has been one giant leap up the ladder, where I have had to fight my way into even becoming a mother and wife. I have a great fear of letting outsiders into my life and have always just wanted to be a walk-in with an easy trap door to leave. I am there for those who need me, but I  want to walk away after the needs are met. There is but one for many years I call a friend, and she knows who she is. From being a great care giver to two of our children, a godmother as well, I thank her with all my heart. Each day when I do the dishes I think of her mother, and say, well I have to do a Mrs. H. now. 

December 29 2019

A poem from Alexander Puskin says it all. Jack gave this book to Robie for Christmas

Alexandr Pushkin

DECEMBER 2019 I spent Finnish Independence day in hospital


Thank God I am an old-fashioned person.  If not there would be shocking pictures of me flying about the Internet. This is what happened, round about 4 a.m.: I awoke and had tremendous pissahätä,  and had to climb down the steep stairs backwards to go to the vessa. Somewhere on some step, my husband says it was the 4th from the bottom, I don't remember but I lost my footing, or balance, and I came down the stairs in a flying backwards leap. The first I noticed I had fallen was the loud bang my head made on the black, tiled kitchen floor. What happened between waking up to pee and hitting my head, it's a memory totally removed from my brain. I couldn't shout but called to my husband who was sleeping on the ground floor in our shared bedroom (the reason I was upstairs was that his snoring was truly bad that night) anyway, I digress; and I managed to say, Robie I am dying. I said this as I believed it was the end of my earthly life, and I was in the worst pain I ever had, could hardly breathe and felt that my head was cracked open. My first visual memory was of his testicles dangling above my head--he sleeps naked as I do--and I told him to call an ambulance. He goes into some kind of shock and can't function in an emergency. I told him to give me my tablet and call Heidi so I could tell her I love her--once again--and that I was dying or else would be paralysed. I also told her I didn't want to live if I was paralysed and she knows what to do. I also called (or he called) Elizabeth and I told her I think I'm dying and could she come over. I wanted her and Jack here for Robie. She was at the monastery but Jack was here within minutes. I was distressed because I was in my total birth suit--naked, 74, and fat--well, it's not a nice sight for anyone to see, and Robie gently managed to place a sheer dress over me. The ambulance was here within 15 minutes, but it seemed forever lying on a very cold tiled floor. This is no mean feat on such snowy and icy roads. When they arrived,  I asked Robie to call Dr. Pesonen and ask him to explain to the ambulance people how to handle me, as my D.I.S.H.* makes me rather immobile.  I was fearful more damage could be done to my already traumatised back, not knowing if it was broken at the time. Both men were so very careful, gentle and skilled, and  they managed to get me on a body board and carry me out to the ambulance with the help of Jack. I am so bloody claustrophobic I couldn't have them strap me, and I talked them into believing I could balance myself. Even in such a situation I need the upper hand. I gather sisu from within as I have always done. 

*Diffuse Idiopathic Skeletal Hyperostosis


NOVEMBER Finally able to walk at least 2 kilometersnafter injection by Dr. Jaane






MAY - a huge tomatoe from Jack's mom in Russia



Sat, 13 Apr, 12:12  Hi mom and dad. We're on our way to work. Rosane just called us as we are driving. Harmonia died during the early morning hours. Apparently she died in her sleep and until the end did not suffer unduly. This woman was a special woman and she loved me like I was related to her. She collected thimbles and loved the little Celtic thimble you sent me once. More as we know it. Anyway. I'm using Selma's phone because it's in my hands. Love you both.



On the evening of the spring equinox, Master Cyber Cinder was surveying his front yard with his customary vigilance.  His territory is his own and intruders are not welcome.  Ever.

But that day a threat materialized.  Another tom cat, in appearance just like Cinder himself, came strutting down the path, heading for the front porch, no doubt to mark it with his loathsome scent.  That, now, would have been too much of a disgrace.  Cyber Cinder sprang into action.




In the house the noises sounded strange--not at all what one was used to hearing from the front porch.  Within seconds, I had the door open and looked out.  Cinder was just disappearing under the porch, looking nervous.  On the path, this side of the shed, the other cat--I recognized him as living within Tempy's daily walking range--was slinking off in the direction of the street.  I called Cinder in the hope of keeping him out of further trouble, but he didn't come out of his hiding place.  I saw nothing out of the ordinary, so I went back inside.

A few minutes later, Mom came in from the office and I told her about the fight.  Cinder figured it was the right time to go inside and came up on the porch.  But Mom saw and smelled that he was literally full of shit.  Like most males are, if Shirley Valentine is to be trusted.

So I picked him up and took him to the bathroom, where Mom washed him off with the hand shower until he no longer smelled.  He was less upset by the water than ever before, and he was soon clean and dried up.  Still, I got a few scratches: he has very little control over his hind claws and even though he takes great care not to scratch me, his hind paws sometimes do.

Then we inspected Mom's boots.  They must be males, too--they were full of it.  So they got washed off, including the cleats she keeps on them.  Later on that evening, we steam cleaned the floors and the hallway carpet, and I've been assured that nothing smells anymore.

Out I went with a flashlight and found the scene of the fight.  In the middle of the ramp leading down from the front yard to the porch there were tufts of yellow fur and little piles of shit.  That was soon cleaned up with hot water and a mop.  The shit must have been Cinder's because a lot of it was on his rear end.  The other cat couldn't have got it in there.

In the morning I found that there was more shit on the ice and snow along the sides of the ramp.  I dug it out with the spade and threw it under a tree.  Interestingly, Tempy, whose foremost delight in this world is cat shit, never paid any attention to those stains before or after they were dug out and disposed of.  Maybe she doesn't consider it edible because it smells of Cinder?  Somebody call the dog psychologists now.

Since this happened, Cinder has been very quiet.  He spends most of the day inside, sleeps a lot, and eats a little less than usual.  It's like he's mellowed.  But he doesn't seem to be hurt: he has no fever and we can't find any wounds on him.  I'm pretty sure he won the fight--the other cat was on the run already before I opened the door--yet Cinder seems a bit shocked.  More so than the previous times he's come home from a fight all scratched up.

Who knows.  Cinder says nothing, not even Meow.

Update on Eduardo. Everything is fine, they managed to get it out and he won't need further treatment. Thank you Mother Mary for answering my prayers.

photo taken march 19 2015

Eduardo to have surgery today

to remove his kidney



and here she is coming home. Smiling and Happy

Miguel off to school too. He has grown up so fast.


Maria Paula ready to go off to school today for the first time!